Winter Vacation

(Photo courtesy of Brekenridge Resort)

By Mark W. Danielson

Colorado is beautiful, particularly during winter. With it meringue mountains, cotton clouds, and sapphire skies, what’s not to love? For skiers, February is a perfect vacation time because kids are still in school and the slopes aren’t crowded. Since February weather can also bring ice, snow, and strong winds, it’s also a great time for airline pilots to take vacation. I’ve been doing this for years, and most of the time it’s worked out quite well.

But this February has been unique. It’s brought Colorado record snowfall, which has had skiers flocking to the slopes. But the odd weather patterns have also made the avalanche danger high. Several people have been killed, and more are certain to fall. But since I gave up skiing years ago, I had other priorities. First, do some interior painting to get the house ready for sale. Second, to have fun. Turns out it’s far easier to paint than have fun. Allow me to explain.

Shortly after returning from my January trip, my daughter needed to borrow my car because hers was having mechanical problems. My schedule was wide open so I drove it down, and she drove me back home. The only downfall is she had been sick with the flu. The result? She had transportation and I got horribly sick. That meant I missed my next trip because I was barely able to move. The good news is I lived to paint another day. After getting well, my step son visited for several days and he had been sick with a sinus cold. Needless to say, his visit sentenced my wife and I to more misery, and yes, we’re still battling this virus a week later. On the positive side, our interior painting is completed. On the down side, we have barely left the house all month.

But what staycation is complete without chirping smoke detectors? My rule of thumb is if one battery dies, replace them all, so right after changing several, two detectors started chirping. Okay, I say. Maybe the spare batteries from the cupboard have been in there so long they’ve gone bad. So off to Lowe’s for more batteries, and when I return, Badda Bing, Badda Boom, they’re in. But no sooner that I step back that I hear, chirp, chirp. Fuming, I go downstairs to think. The thing about batteries is there is only one correct way to put them in. The bad thing is in smoke detectors, batteries fit either way, and you need far better eyes than mine to see its polarity markings. So I get my reading glasses, climb the ladder, check the polarity, and determine that yes, I’m an idiot. After properly installing the batteries I hear the wonderful sound of silence. Bear in mind that neither of these detectors chirped before I replaced their batteries.

But wait, that isn’t the end of my staycation fun. No sir, no ma’am, not by a long shot. First, you need to add my multiple doctor visits -- and who doesn’t look forward to them? Then add my multiple physical therapy sessions for my bad back and you have my list of things that made this winter vacation special.

But there is a plus side to all this nonsense. Prior to my getting the stomach flu, Lyne and I had been considering taking a short cruise. You know the type -- one of those last minute package deals that make it irresistible, except four cruise ships suddenly had major illness outbreaks, so maybe our viruses prevented us from spending a couple thousand dollars to be sick at sea.

Of course, there’s always next year. Hopefully by then we’ll be in a different location waiting for our new house to be built. Between illnesses, we did make it to the Denver Home and Garden Show, so that’s something. I’ve also gotten a lot of editing done on my next book. But what vacations really come down to is spending time with my wife, so in this regard, it’s been great. As for the bugs we’ve both suffered though, I wouldn’t wish them on anyone.

Stranger Than Fiction

By Mark W. Danielson

The truth is stranger than fiction, so the saying goes. As a fiction writer, it’s sometimes difficult competing with the daily news. Fortunately, authors can benefit from these odd events for they stimulate our brains and sometimes spill into our manuscripts. Here are a few of my favorite true events from days gone by as well as some recent oddities.

I doubt that anyone will forget the Nicole Simpson, Ron Goldman murders that led to OJ’s slow-speed freeway chase. While OJ’s Bronco never made it to Mexico, it did prove that his SUV could reach freeway speed, even with money and guns on board. OJ’s trial held the media’s attention for months, and although his lawyers won the criminal suit, they lost the Brown’s civil suit. Now, you’d think that a person who has had such a brush with the law might be scared straight, but not OJ. Nope, he just can’t stay out of trouble and now he’s behind bars. No one made these things up, but if they had, no one would buy it.

Certainly Michael Jackson’s plight wins an honorable mention in the peculiar category, but don’t blame him. People love putting celebrities on pedestals just so they can knock ’em down. I never knew Michael personally, so my only comment on his Peter Pan lifestyle is he was probably doing everything possible to capture the childhood he never had. Unfortunately, his attempts at sharing that with others was often misunderstood and misjudged. Love him or leave him, Michael was an enormous musical influence, but if I were to create a fictional character like him, my readers would say I went too far.

Of course, everyone knows about these two celebrities, so how about some of my local quirks? The first one occurred on a recent trip to the coffee shop. We ordered two foo-foo drinks at the drive-through; one decaf sugar-free caramel macchiato and one white chocolate mocha. When we arrived at the window, the coffee chef asked if we wanted whipped cream. Assuming she meant for the white chocolate mocha, I replied yes. The lady then handed me a lid piled with whipped cream, and then handed us our coffees. Now, does this belong in a story or what? I think so.

For the next, hand it to the cities of Thornton and Westminster, Colorado, to create a traffic nightmare over the 128th Street Bridge they share that crosses over I-25. First, they shut the bridge down for six months for renovation, then six months later shut it down to replace it. When it opened a year later, the new bridge was four lanes wide, but only had one lane leading into it on either side. Now, with economic stimulus money, Thornton is widening their side to two lanes in each direction, yet the Westminster side remains unchanged. If this makes any sense to anyone, please explain it to me. Certainly, this is another ingredient for a future novel.

Last, but not least is personal license plates. Some are clever, some require interpretation, and others you just have to wonder about. We recently saw one that read, “MOM2TED”. Now, the question remains whether Ted is Mom’s son or whether Mom passes a lot of gas. Either way, this plate needs clarification. Too bad we didn’t meet at the traffic light – I would have asked her.

I’m sure everyone has a favorite story of their own, and I’d love to hear them. Some great ideas come from the news. All you have to do is evaluate the situation and build on it. So while the truth may be stranger than fiction, nothing says we can’t stretch it.