by Jean Henry Mead
Dialogue is my forte. I enjoy fleshing out characters through inner monologues as well as conversations with other characters. Real people rarely speak in complete sentences unless they’re giving a speech. Perfect grammar in dialogue is usually an indication that the writer is an amateur, unless, of course, the speaker is an English professor. That reminds me of an online critique group I joined years ago on AOL. One of the first critiques I received was, “You need to clean up your characters’ grammar.” My southern, uneducated character would have suspended belief if he had said:
“Good morning, darling. I would prefer a cup of tea with my breakfast rather than the usual roasted blend.”
Instead, he said, “Grab me a cuppa java, will ya, Babe. I’ll have a bowl a grits with my hen fruit.”
Elmore Leonard is a master at writing dialogue. His characters’ conversations ring true and rarely will you find a complete sentence among them. In my latest novel, A Village Shattered, I have a lot of short dialogue to move the plot forward, such as a conversation between my protagonists, Dana Logan and Sarah Cafferty shortly after they smell a strange odor in their murdered friend's house:
“She’s allergic to perfume.”
“That’s right, she was.”
“Kinda smelled like Harold.”
“That horse liniment he wears?”
“Harold’s bursitis gave him away.”
“How many seniors use arthritic rubs?”
Dana answered the question herself. “Nearly everyone.”
Short dialogue is not only easier to read, it conveys tension and conflict, which are not the same. Tension occurs whenever two people speak, although they may agree. It’s like the energy between charged particles, while conflict is akin to boxers sparing in the ring. By the end of the scene, someone is bound to win the argument, and novels thrive on conflict.
Make every word of dialogue count. Carefully craft what your characters say in the least amount of words and make sure those words are filled with conflict and tension as rhythmically pleasing as possible. Then read your finished dialogue aloud. If you stumble over the words, they need rewriting.
Avoid phonetically written dialogue in the style of Mark Twain. If you’re unfamiliar with a dialect, don’t attempt to write it. A good rule of thumb is: if it slows the reader down, it’s poorly written. An example of dialogue to avoid is from Huckleberry Finn:
“Balum he tuck de money en when he wuz in church, he hea de preacher say dat whoever gie to de po’ len to de Lord, en boun’ to git his money back a hunnurd fold.”
Better to write: “Balum done put all his money in the collection plate. He hear the preacher say whoever gives to the poor is lendin’ to the Lord. And he’s bound to git his money back a hunnurd fold.”
A little dialect goes a long way.
Showing posts with label internal dialogue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label internal dialogue. Show all posts
Monday, January 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Overwriting Is Just That
By Chester Campbell
Early in my novel-writing career, if I may be so bold as to call it that, I signed with a large New York literary agency. I had submitted my third book to them, the last in a three-book post-Cold War trilogy, as yet unpublished. The first two novels had agents who fell by the wayside, but this one was written so it would stand alone.
After sending off the manuscript, I received a letter saying they liked the story but it needed a line edit by a professional editor. The main problem was “overwriting.” At that point, I had no idea what overwriting meant. And I had no clue about where to find a professional editor or what a line edit involved. I talked to the agency and was told the manuscript needed cutting. It was too wordy. Among other things, I indulged in too much description. As best I recall, it ran well over 600 typewritten pages.
I didn’t find a professional editor, but I sat down and started cutting. Whole chapters at first, then pages, then paragraphs, sentences, and, finally, words. I sliced it down by about 150 pages and re-submitted the manuscript. That’s when they accepted it and sent me a contract. What happened after that is another sad story. Suffice it to say they never sold the book (plus a couple of others I sent them), and I asked out of the contract.
What I gained out of the experience was an understanding that too many words can be a bad thing. I know, some big name mystery writers get away with describing everything their characters observe in great detail. And a few do it with such lyrical prose that I enjoy it. But very few.
When most writers get carried away with their descriptions, I start skimming. In writing the Greg McKenzie Mysteries, I honed my style to tell stories using only enough detail to paint a clear picture for the reader. I try to keep my dialog short and pithy. Such measures designed to avoid overwriting have resulted in shorter, faster-paced books. Page turners, as they say.
Overwriting also requires getting rid of duplicate explanations that sneak in when it’s necessary to clue in another character on a past event. Do it the easy way by saying something like she told him what she had learned from the visit to Mr. X. Another point I learned from my editor on the first McKenzie book was not to underestimate your reader. It isn’t necessary to explain every little point when you’re dealing with stuff they should already know.
Chris Roerden has a good chapter on overwriting in her book Don’t Murder Your Mystery. I wish I’d had it when I submitted that manuscript back in 1992.
Early in my novel-writing career, if I may be so bold as to call it that, I signed with a large New York literary agency. I had submitted my third book to them, the last in a three-book post-Cold War trilogy, as yet unpublished. The first two novels had agents who fell by the wayside, but this one was written so it would stand alone.
After sending off the manuscript, I received a letter saying they liked the story but it needed a line edit by a professional editor. The main problem was “overwriting.” At that point, I had no idea what overwriting meant. And I had no clue about where to find a professional editor or what a line edit involved. I talked to the agency and was told the manuscript needed cutting. It was too wordy. Among other things, I indulged in too much description. As best I recall, it ran well over 600 typewritten pages.
I didn’t find a professional editor, but I sat down and started cutting. Whole chapters at first, then pages, then paragraphs, sentences, and, finally, words. I sliced it down by about 150 pages and re-submitted the manuscript. That’s when they accepted it and sent me a contract. What happened after that is another sad story. Suffice it to say they never sold the book (plus a couple of others I sent them), and I asked out of the contract.
What I gained out of the experience was an understanding that too many words can be a bad thing. I know, some big name mystery writers get away with describing everything their characters observe in great detail. And a few do it with such lyrical prose that I enjoy it. But very few.
When most writers get carried away with their descriptions, I start skimming. In writing the Greg McKenzie Mysteries, I honed my style to tell stories using only enough detail to paint a clear picture for the reader. I try to keep my dialog short and pithy. Such measures designed to avoid overwriting have resulted in shorter, faster-paced books. Page turners, as they say.
Overwriting also requires getting rid of duplicate explanations that sneak in when it’s necessary to clue in another character on a past event. Do it the easy way by saying something like she told him what she had learned from the visit to Mr. X. Another point I learned from my editor on the first McKenzie book was not to underestimate your reader. It isn’t necessary to explain every little point when you’re dealing with stuff they should already know.
Chris Roerden has a good chapter on overwriting in her book Don’t Murder Your Mystery. I wish I’d had it when I submitted that manuscript back in 1992.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
A question of style
By Pat Browning
As if it weren’t enough to be creative in writing, there are pesky little style rules to observe. I write in first person POV and can never decide the best way to handle internal dialogue. To the rescue comes Vickie Britton, in an article at Suite 101. I have her permission to reprint it here.
Vickie and her sister, Loretta Jackson, have co-authored more than 30 novels.
===
Handling Internal Dialogue
By Vickie Britton
Suite 101
Sometimes it is necessary to have a character’s innermost thoughts revealed to the reader. There are several correct ways to indicate that a character is thinking something to himself instead of speaking aloud.
Using Quotation Marks to Indicate Direct Character Thought
Quotation marks are used when a character has a direct thought. The fact that the passage below has not been spoken aloud is indicated by the words “John thought.” Both statements and questions are put into quotes if the word “thought” or a similar word is used in place of “said”. It is punctuated exactly like a spoken sentence.
Example: "I lost the game,” John thought, “but I might win tomorrow.”
Example: George mused, “Why don’t I ever get a break?”
Internal Dialogue-No Quotation Marks Needed
When a character expresses a thought in third person, italics or quotation marks are not necessary.
Example: John lost the game but believed that he might win tomorrow.
Example: George wondered why he never got a break.
Use of Italics
Italics used to be indicated in a rough draft by the tedious process of underlining. Because word processors can form italics easily, it has become more and more acceptable to substitute italics for quotation marks. However, it is not acceptable to use both italics and quotation marks for the same passage.
Traditionally acceptable: “I lost the game,” John thought, “but I might win tomorrow.”
Also acceptable: I lost the game, John thought, but I might win tomorrow.
Wrong: “I lost the game,” John thought, “but I might win tomorrow.”
In some instances, it is also acceptable to use italics to express a character's internal musings without using a tag such as "John thought" after the passage. Italics used in this way can be very effective for expressing a sudden, random emotion. In the example below no qualifier is needed to explain who is afraid because the sentence in between the italics indicates who is the thought is coming from.
I’m afraid. The realization came to Mary slowly. Very afraid.
Though all of these are correct, the example above sounds much more dramatic than these two examples below:
“I’m afraid,” Mary realized slowly. “Very afraid.”
Mary slowly realized that she was very afraid.
Placing an emotion in italics works best when used sparingly, perhaps for a random thought here and there. You don’t want your entire book set in italics.
Three Ways to Express Internal Thoughts
All of the examples below are correct ways to indicate internal thought.
“I can’t believe my good fortune,” Joe thought. “I’ve won the lottery again!”
Joe couldn't believe his good fortune at winning the lottery not once, but twice.
A winner. Joe stared at his second lottery ticket. A two-time winner!
There is more than one correct way to indicate a main character’s internal thoughts. Publishers and editors may have different guidelines that they go by. The key is to be consistent. If you decide to use italics rather than quotation marks to indicate thought, use them throughout rather than switching back and forth.
===
For more helpful articles on writing go to:
http://writing-novels.suite101.com
As if it weren’t enough to be creative in writing, there are pesky little style rules to observe. I write in first person POV and can never decide the best way to handle internal dialogue. To the rescue comes Vickie Britton, in an article at Suite 101. I have her permission to reprint it here.
Vickie and her sister, Loretta Jackson, have co-authored more than 30 novels.
===
Handling Internal Dialogue
By Vickie Britton
Suite 101
Sometimes it is necessary to have a character’s innermost thoughts revealed to the reader. There are several correct ways to indicate that a character is thinking something to himself instead of speaking aloud.
Using Quotation Marks to Indicate Direct Character Thought
Quotation marks are used when a character has a direct thought. The fact that the passage below has not been spoken aloud is indicated by the words “John thought.” Both statements and questions are put into quotes if the word “thought” or a similar word is used in place of “said”. It is punctuated exactly like a spoken sentence.
Example: "I lost the game,” John thought, “but I might win tomorrow.”
Example: George mused, “Why don’t I ever get a break?”
Internal Dialogue-No Quotation Marks Needed
When a character expresses a thought in third person, italics or quotation marks are not necessary.
Example: John lost the game but believed that he might win tomorrow.
Example: George wondered why he never got a break.
Use of Italics
Italics used to be indicated in a rough draft by the tedious process of underlining. Because word processors can form italics easily, it has become more and more acceptable to substitute italics for quotation marks. However, it is not acceptable to use both italics and quotation marks for the same passage.
Traditionally acceptable: “I lost the game,” John thought, “but I might win tomorrow.”
Also acceptable: I lost the game, John thought, but I might win tomorrow.
Wrong: “I lost the game,” John thought, “but I might win tomorrow.”
In some instances, it is also acceptable to use italics to express a character's internal musings without using a tag such as "John thought" after the passage. Italics used in this way can be very effective for expressing a sudden, random emotion. In the example below no qualifier is needed to explain who is afraid because the sentence in between the italics indicates who is the thought is coming from.
I’m afraid. The realization came to Mary slowly. Very afraid.
Though all of these are correct, the example above sounds much more dramatic than these two examples below:
“I’m afraid,” Mary realized slowly. “Very afraid.”
Mary slowly realized that she was very afraid.
Placing an emotion in italics works best when used sparingly, perhaps for a random thought here and there. You don’t want your entire book set in italics.
Three Ways to Express Internal Thoughts
All of the examples below are correct ways to indicate internal thought.
“I can’t believe my good fortune,” Joe thought. “I’ve won the lottery again!”
Joe couldn't believe his good fortune at winning the lottery not once, but twice.
A winner. Joe stared at his second lottery ticket. A two-time winner!
There is more than one correct way to indicate a main character’s internal thoughts. Publishers and editors may have different guidelines that they go by. The key is to be consistent. If you decide to use italics rather than quotation marks to indicate thought, use them throughout rather than switching back and forth.
===
For more helpful articles on writing go to:
http://writing-novels.suite101.com
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