Which Way To The Lions?

By Pat Browning

Somewhere in that happy throng at this weekend’s Love Is Murder walks the witty and erudite Jonathan E. Quist. By his sport coat – a fine tweed coat with leather elbow pads – you shall know him.

Jonathan is writing his first mystery novel. He prepared for LIM by watching a Monty Python sketch on YouTube, and shopping for a sport coat that would make him look authorial. I persuaded him to let me post his e-mail on the subject, and when I asked for a mini-bio, he sent the following.

*****

Jonathan E. Quist is a lifelong resident of Illinois,

where he learned everything he knows about

government ethics. A graduate of Northwestern

University, he has spent the past twenty years

failing to escape Information Technology for a

less lucrative field.

He wrote his first mystery nearly forty years ago,

to critical acclaim, but similarity to another story

prevented publication. Similarity. That's a laugh.

It was lifted outright from “The Ghost and Mr. Chicken”,

is what it was. But “plagiarism” wasn't in his

fourth-grade vocabulary list, until Mrs. Christensen

explained it.

Mr. Quist's turn-ons include sunny days

and playful kittens. His turn-offs are mean people

and wiggly seats on public toilets.

He currently lives 31.3 miles from the hospital

in which he was born, where by day he works for a

telecommunications equipment manufacturer,

and by night is writing the first novel in a

humorous historical traditional mystery series,

set in the world of small-time Vaudeville.

*****

(In Monty Python's "Vocational Guidance Counsellor" sketch, Mr. Anchovy wants to make a career change away from chartered accountancy. The counselor asks if he has any idea what new career he would like to pursue.)

Anchovy: Yes, yes I have.

Counselor: What?

Anchovy: (boldly) Lion taming.

Counselor: Well yes. Yes. Of course, it's a bit of a jump isn't it? I mean, er, chartered accountancy to lion taming in one go. You don't think it might be better if you worked your way towards lion taming, say, via banking …

Anchovy: No, no, no, no. No. I don't want to wait. At nine o'clock tomorrow I want to be in there, taming.

Counselor: Fine, fine. But do you, do you have any qualifications?

Anchovy: Yes, I've got a hat.

Counselor: A hat?

Anchovy: Yes, a hat. A lion taming hat. A hat with ‘lion tamer’ on it. I got it at Harrods.

( Watch it all at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h-wVe9a6rQ )

*****

(Here Jonathan picks up his story … )

In preparation for Love is Murder

http://www.loveismurder.net

I went shopping at the local thrift store. I had an idea that I want to begin presenting a somewhat more professional, or if possible, authorial image at conferences.So I went in search of a tweed sport coat.

Looking through the racks, I began to despair -- nearly all the tags were marked “M”. Then I started looking for the maker's label, and discovered that whoever was tagging the goods was just guessing, “Medium”, and I began trying things on. I found a few genuine Harris Tweeds ( http://www.harristweed.com/what_is.htm ) though they were all in rather medium sizes.

Then I found a coat that fit. I hung it on my cart, and continued to look. The notion of finding a coat with leather elbow pads was out of my mind; I figured I'd have to buy new for that.

But as I compared one of the Harris garments with mine, I picked up the sleeve to compare buttons, and lo and behold -- the elbow had a patch of suede …

http://images3.orvis.com/orvis_assets/prodimg/734Abrwn1.jpg

And the coat was marked down. It was still a bit of a sum, but I got the coat for -- $2.56. Wasn't that the name of a beauty pageant?

So. Now I am a writer. I've got my coat, that says "Writer" on it, in bright neon letters.

Which way to the lions?

*****
Jonathan blogs at http://jonathanquist.blogspot.com