Friday, October 3, 2008

The Week That Was

By Pat Browning

This week just about did me in.

The economy went belly up. Paul Newman died. I had to stop in the middle of pressing business to watch a vice-presidential debate. I called an 800 number and got a porn recording ... I dropped things, spilled stuff, tripped over my own feet ...

And all the while I am trying desperately to re-do my book for publication. The first 50 pages were fun, but after that it has settled into plain old grunt work.

Tonight I scrolled through My Documents, looking for a newsletter called Writing for Dollars. Couldn't find it, but I came across something funny a friend sent me several years ago. Periodically I post it to my personal blog, and I'm sharing it here. It's good for a laugh at the tail end of the week that was.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9.As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive through order is "to go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "rock hard".

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling"run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner that "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.......

20. Send this e-mail to someone to make them smile...It 's called therapy


Mark W. Danielson said...

I think we can all relate to this one, Pat. I'm smiling from Kazakhstan where a sense of humor is a must.

rjm said...

Thank you.

I've run into that before, and it STILL makes me smile.

(have you tried any of them yet?)

Anonymous said...

Well, no, but -- I've been paying bills, and considered writing "for sexual favors" instead of the account number on them.

Chickened out, though. (-: