By Mark W. Danielson
Recently, my wife and I watched a disaster show on volcanoes. It seems disaster themes are quite popular these days. Heck, I even wrote a story about a disaster on San Francisco Bay's Hayward Fault, but I’m withholding that one for a future release. Actually, this TV show we saw was interesting because it spoke of an unthinkable volcanic eruption of Indonesia's Anak Krakatau that as a minimum would wipe out most of Indonesia’s population within seconds, followed by the rest of the world over a couple of years. You see, the ash cloud from this eruption will engulf the Earth in darkness for 18 months, during which time, all vegetation will die, famine, war, and cannibalism will break out, and if that doesn’t kill you, the plague will. Cool.
Now, I must admit that this TV prediction has merit. After all, the 1883 Krakatau eruption was so enormous, the sound was heard 3000 miles away and was labeled the loudest noise ever recorded on Earth. But that wasn't the first time Krakatau blew. In fact, they say its first eruption actually split Indonesia in two. With that in mind, I’ll refer to the prophecy behind Anak Krakatau’s impending eruption as the "Big Bang Theory". What? That one’s taken, you say? Well, how about "Armageddon"? No? Okay, forget the labels, but be prepared to repent, for The End is Near! In fact, this TV show we watched even gave us a date. That’s right; 2012 marks the official beginning of the end of the world as we know it. When Krakatau blows again, all that will survive is cockroaches and sharks. (Okay, throw in a few FedEx pilots because we seem to survive every disaster, too.) What I find interesting is this TV program didn’t mention that one of the world’s largest magma deposits resides right in my own back yard—Yellowstone National Park. Then again, there's a separate disaster show that covers that one. (I’ve watched it.)
So, with all of these impending disasters, it’s clear that we authors must write like there’s no tomorrow, for clearly, we only have three years left. (Perhaps less, depending upon when, in 2012, disaster strikes.) The good thing is that we no longer have to worry about getting our books into bookstores or Amazon.com’s ranking. We can also forget about saying the wrong thing on a blog, for it will soon be forgotten—except to those fortunate souls who may be orbiting above the ash cloud. (And I’m not referring to astronauts.) Another bright side is future space explorers will spend years inspecting the infrastructure we left behind, trying to determine what happened to our civilization. (Consider all the years that we’ve spent trying to comprehend the fall of the Roman Empire.) Then again, maybe these explorers will find a transcribed version of what I’m writing now and it will all make sense to them.
With our time so short, I believe every writer has a responsibility to crank out as much writing as possible between now and 2012. If you’re a celebrity, then hire a ghost writer, slap your name on it, and flood the bookstore shelves while you can. For all of you cookbook authors, toss out your recipes for road kill, for we’ll need it in the near future. And for those of you who are concerned about global warming, consider investing in cold weather gear, for the "Big Chill" is yet to come. Yes, prepare yourselves, for it must be true. After all, it’s the Word of the Prophets as well as the National Geographic Channel's. Three years from now, you’ll thank me for having given you this warning.
Recently, my wife and I watched a disaster show on volcanoes. It seems disaster themes are quite popular these days. Heck, I even wrote a story about a disaster on San Francisco Bay's Hayward Fault, but I’m withholding that one for a future release. Actually, this TV show we saw was interesting because it spoke of an unthinkable volcanic eruption of Indonesia's Anak Krakatau that as a minimum would wipe out most of Indonesia’s population within seconds, followed by the rest of the world over a couple of years. You see, the ash cloud from this eruption will engulf the Earth in darkness for 18 months, during which time, all vegetation will die, famine, war, and cannibalism will break out, and if that doesn’t kill you, the plague will. Cool.
Now, I must admit that this TV prediction has merit. After all, the 1883 Krakatau eruption was so enormous, the sound was heard 3000 miles away and was labeled the loudest noise ever recorded on Earth. But that wasn't the first time Krakatau blew. In fact, they say its first eruption actually split Indonesia in two. With that in mind, I’ll refer to the prophecy behind Anak Krakatau’s impending eruption as the "Big Bang Theory". What? That one’s taken, you say? Well, how about "Armageddon"? No? Okay, forget the labels, but be prepared to repent, for The End is Near! In fact, this TV show we watched even gave us a date. That’s right; 2012 marks the official beginning of the end of the world as we know it. When Krakatau blows again, all that will survive is cockroaches and sharks. (Okay, throw in a few FedEx pilots because we seem to survive every disaster, too.) What I find interesting is this TV program didn’t mention that one of the world’s largest magma deposits resides right in my own back yard—Yellowstone National Park. Then again, there's a separate disaster show that covers that one. (I’ve watched it.)
So, with all of these impending disasters, it’s clear that we authors must write like there’s no tomorrow, for clearly, we only have three years left. (Perhaps less, depending upon when, in 2012, disaster strikes.) The good thing is that we no longer have to worry about getting our books into bookstores or Amazon.com’s ranking. We can also forget about saying the wrong thing on a blog, for it will soon be forgotten—except to those fortunate souls who may be orbiting above the ash cloud. (And I’m not referring to astronauts.) Another bright side is future space explorers will spend years inspecting the infrastructure we left behind, trying to determine what happened to our civilization. (Consider all the years that we’ve spent trying to comprehend the fall of the Roman Empire.) Then again, maybe these explorers will find a transcribed version of what I’m writing now and it will all make sense to them.
With our time so short, I believe every writer has a responsibility to crank out as much writing as possible between now and 2012. If you’re a celebrity, then hire a ghost writer, slap your name on it, and flood the bookstore shelves while you can. For all of you cookbook authors, toss out your recipes for road kill, for we’ll need it in the near future. And for those of you who are concerned about global warming, consider investing in cold weather gear, for the "Big Chill" is yet to come. Yes, prepare yourselves, for it must be true. After all, it’s the Word of the Prophets as well as the National Geographic Channel's. Three years from now, you’ll thank me for having given you this warning.
(Top photo of Chile volcano. Bottom photo is Anak Krakatau's November 2007 eruption)
Mark,
ReplyDeleteGood one! I too have seen both shows. You're right: Our time is limited. Best busy ourselves before everything goes dark and we either become vapors or are frozen and eat each other.
BTW, I thought ash was death to an aircraft's engines. Maybe you'd best stay grounded. :<)
You're right, Ben. Jet engines don't like volcanic ash, but as the saying goes, ashes to ashes . . .
ReplyDeleteI live less than 300 miles from Yellowstone Park and we're well aware of its eruption potential. And if that doesn't get us, there's a meteorite headed this way that's supposed to strike earth in 2012. So eat, drink and be merry . . . and say your prayers. :)
ReplyDeleteOn second thought, it's an asteroid, or minor planet, that's headed our way, not a meteriorite. I think I prefer that to a volcanic eruption, although it will probably knock the earth from it's rotational axis. Aren't we the spreaders of doom?
ReplyDeleteI think the bottom line is to plan for the future, but live for today. It's more likely that a drunk driver or stray bullet will take us out before any natural disaster. Comforting thought, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteEerily, we were talking about the Yellowstone volcanic eruption and the 2012 end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it date last night at our writer's group.
ReplyDeleteTime to stock up on canned goods, bottled water, vegetable seeds, potting soil, and some of those sunlight light bulbs. Oh, and weapons, lots and lots of weapons and ammo for when the cannibals come.
Well, Beth, it seems nothing strikes up a conversation better than our impending doom:>) Surely, there's a novel in there somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI've been around for so many doomsdays they're getting a little old. I subscribe to the advice to live each day as if there's no tomorrow. Because that's kthe way it is. When the clock rolls around to 12:01 a.m., it's today again.
ReplyDeleteWhen there's nothing to be done about it, that's the best thing you can do. However, I did take a Facebook quiz that said I was very likely to survive a zombie attack, so maybe I am a teensy bit of a survivalist at heart:)
ReplyDelete